


wasting my young years

by sleepyimagineer (ocolotes)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Post SBURB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocolotes/pseuds/sleepyimagineer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"you crossed this line, do you find it hard to sit with me tonight?"-- late night, post game conversations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wasting my young years

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this is my first piece in a really long time and I just wanted to drop a couple of notes before this gets started.  
> First off, this isn't as long as some other things I'll be posting soon but hey, it was still fun to write.
> 
> Another thing, I am, in no way, claiming to be an expert on characterization. A lot of this was pressed for time writing because of some other things, and it may in fact be a little choppy in some places.
> 
> Also! This is, in basic terms, intended to be a shippy piece. However, with little implications that it was to be romantic in any way, please feel free to write it off as platonic. 
> 
> inspiration; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkeDBwsIaZw

You find the night to be one of the best times.

 

You watch the window pane. More specifically, you watch the rain fall from the sky in pattern less sheets, creating a small symphony in its wake. With the rain there were no other sounds, apart from the quiet whir of a box fan shoved aimlessly against the wall, and the soft breathing of your companions. They, lucky as they were, were asleep. Drifting under the delicate sheet that was unconsciousness, one you’d just torn yourself away from actually. It wasn’t a safe place for you anymore, every thought plagued with nightmares and the screams of your friends and the suffocating guilt you still felt even to this day. It was rotten, but you rarely let something of that caliber go for no reason. 

 

“Oh– sorry. Did I wake you?” The voice, even at a whisper, was easily recognizable, even in the dark. You turn to look to the voice, offering a shake of your head. The figure takes a few steps further into the room at your gesture, her hands clasped together in front of her. “I wanted to go get some air, I honestly didn’t even notice the rain until it was too late.” She laughs quietly, albeit awkwardly. You sense how uncomfortable she is, even with her quiet tone and lightweight comments. You give her a small, crooked smile in response, letting her know that she really doesn’t have to be as uncomfortable as she was. She catches it, even in the dim light, because you can see her visibly relax, taking a few steps closer to you once more. “I didn’t really want to sleep anymore.” She continues, and you nod.

 

“Me either.” It’s the first thing you’ve spoken to her, and you have to clear your throat a bit, your voice raspy and rather unattractive to your own ear. You couldn’t even imagine how it sounded to her. “What was it about?”

 

Your question seems to confuse her for a moment, and you watch silently as her eyebrows furrow and she frowns, giving a sweeping gaze as she looks around the room. You can practically see the metaphorical gears whirring in her head. It’s once again, however, that you need to remind yourself that you’re not still surrounded by robots, but by living, breathing people. “Come on Jane. You and I both know that there is something keeping you from going back to sleep.” Her eyebrows lift as she finally pieces the two together, and you fight the urge to smile, even just a little bit. It always amazed you how intelligent she and Jake were, but how easily they seemed to forget things. Or perhaps it really was just how vague you could be.

 

“Well, I…” She fidgets where she stands, before shrugging. In an act of silent invitation, you turn on your mattress, pressing your feet against the cool wooden floor. She seems to hesitate before silently taking the invitation, moving to sit down beside you. You take the time to really, really take in how much smaller she was in comparison to you, and the way that she wrinkles her nose as she squints. Her glasses still remain by her pillow, on her own mattress, which was almost diagonal from your own. 

 

The home you occupied now was nothing like your apartment above the eternal sea, it was single floor, on the ground, and possessed multiple bedrooms. Occasionally if you were to listen closely at night, you could hear the stirring of the other humans in the room over. The whole thing was weird, everyone could admit that it would feel wrong to just go separate ways just yet.  
“It’s silly, don’t mind me.” Your train of thought crashes as Jane speaks once more, and you look down at her, furrowing your eyebrows slightly. You remain silent for only a heartbeat longer, though.

 

“Silly? I don’t believe that.” She returns the look now, her eyebrows raised, as you speak, but you’re not done yet. “You are one of the silliest people I know, but if something’s bothering you, then it’s anything but silly.” She offers a halfhearted smile, before looking back down at her hands, which were folded in her lap.

 

“It’s just… I remember everything. At first, it was all fuzzy or completely nonexistent. But now… It’s clear as day.” She speaks so quietly that you actually have to shift, bending down ever so slightly. “And it feels… Dirty.” She looks back at you so quickly that you don’t even have time to straighten back up, but it’s not that much of a shift, since even then she’s still looking up at you. “I did horrible things, and I just… Don’t know if I could forgive myself.” You’re quiet, and the way that she fidgets you can tell she’s not comfortable with that, so after a moment, you clear your throat.

 

“I. I see what you mean.” She furrows her eyebrows and you raise yours, but you continue for her benefit. “Not to the same extent, of course. But, I understand. I let you guys down, I failed. And I have to live with that." 

Obviously your words do little to nothing in comforting her, and you purse your lips. "But the thing is, Jane, what you did wasn’t really your doing. It was in the sense that it was you physically, but you never would’ve done any of that. Not really.” It’s a small pause before she finally replies.

 

“But I could have.”

 

“And you wouldn’t.”

 

She’s quiet again, looking back down at her hands once more. You watch her for only a second longer, before you too, look away. You’re not sure how long you both sit there in silence, but she finally speaks again, on a much lighter note than previously.

 

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your sun– ahem, shades on before.” A corner of your mouth curls upwards, and you look back at her, only to find her already looking at you. “It’s… er. A nice change.” Her words have you scoffing slightly in amusement.

 

“Right back at you, Crocker.” Your reply has her grinning, a bright little smile that nearly makes your heart ache. You hadn’t seen a smile like that on her in a very long time, if ever. It lit up her entire face, and made that small little lady look more cheerful than she typically was.

 

Silently you hoped to see a smile like that again soon. 

 

The two of you sit there in silence once again, time ticking by like the rain pattering against the window pane. You look back towards the window, quietly taking in your surroundings, the way you slouch forwards slightly, only a piece of your spine pressed against the wall now. Soon enough, you take note in the way her head fits against your shoulder, the way she occasionally hums in her sleep. Longer after that you would notice the way you shifted so that the two of you were more comfortable.

 

Come morning, you would notice that you were not plagued with nightmares that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Admittedly this is probably going to be one of my last Homestuck pieces, but if I get any appreciation for it, I might reconsider because I do love the characters, I love the atmosphere they bring and I love writing about them.
> 
> However, I find myself drifting out of the fandom pretty quickly, and I just don't really have the time to put in work for it anymore. That being said, I do write a lot of big hero six works, so soon enough you might see those on here too if you're interested. :)


End file.
